“There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright

23 May

Thank you for the support recently.  I appreciate each and every one of you that reads my blog and shares it with others.  So thank you!  Anyway, moving along to something very exciting….A NEW BLOG POST! (queue the cheers).  “Thank you, thank you! I appreciate the enthusiasm”.

Today’s post was inspired by two things that went on in the past few days.  One of them is a five day workshop I’m currently doing that focuses on anti-oppression through film.  The short we’re doing is focused on gender discrimination, which for all that have read this blog or personally know me, know that I’m a feminist and a huge advocate for these issues.  Of course I’m a huge advocate for anti-discrimination in general too, but gender has been a big one for me.  So this short that we’re making is focused on gender discrimination and we’re going to play on a lesser shown issue, women on women discrimination.  This was one thing that influenced this post.  The second being something I watched in which a woman declared herself the anti-feminist.  Yeah, you heard me correctly.

It’s terrible that women are still daily oppressed by males, however, I’m almost finding it more depressing at how many women criticize and verbally abuse other women.  We all do it regarding ourselves, that “I’m not good enough” mentality, in which we convince ourselves being larger than a size two or not having the right hair or being darker than fair isn’t beautiful.  Judging ourselves is terrible as it is, but this hate on hate crime where women throw the same expectations upon other women or don’t see women’s worth so believe it’s acceptable for us to be any less than equal has got to STOP.  If you don’t see something wrong with this then I feel bad for you.  The first step is educating so that you can understand, so that you can empathize so that you can respect.

Living in Vancouver, I’m incredibly lucky and aware that we have a diverse community and what feels like very little discrimination or hate.  I will admit there are other places I’ve traveled to in BC that don’t hold the same values, but Vancouver is a hot spot for acceptance.  And those who don’t have those beliefs tend to keep their feelings to themselves.  However, I’ve noticed one form of discrimination that seems to be ignored in North America (most likely because we still have it better than those in other countries) is gender.

I am 100% aware that in some countries women have the unfortune of being beaten, killed or disowned for simply having another man look at them, and that so many women in other countries don’t even have a voice in their own homes.  Or even worse, are forced to marry their rapists or are told it’s their fault for even being raped.  This is obviously unacceptable and something needs to change, but I’ve been beginning to worry how can we preach and educate others on how to treat women when there is still such large gender discrimination out here.

There’s men vs. women discrimination in which a man can state or insinuate that a woman isn’t as qualified as a man.  Almost every woman I know has experienced some kind of work place hate, which can definitely include even getting paid less than a male coworker with the same position.  I’m sorry but what screams out that you can do this job better than me?  Do you have all of that insightful male wisdom from the possession of a prostate?  Oh, I forgot!  It must be your superior hand eye coordination from years of playing video games.  What’s that?  You think I AM better than you at something?  Oh, being in the kitchen.  Yeah, THAT’s how you get a girlfriend buddy…

And why do some guys find it acceptable to call us “sweetie”, “babe”, “hun”, “lil mama” or “lil shorty” when they do NOT even know us?  And then they’re going to get angry when you don’t immediately fall head over heels for their irresistible charm?  I’m sorry, but do I look like your mom?  Let’s take a second to applaud all of the guys that know how to REALLY compliment a woman.  And especially the guys who understand when you’re not interested and don’t become aggressive or rude if you’re not.  Objectifying women is so common, I think some guys don’t even realize how not to do it.

Of course there are the extremely offensive stereotypes, active from years ago when interracial marriage Imagewas illegal, people were never openly gay and women couldn’t even vote.  So yes obviously it makes sense that women should still be in the kitchen, because we haven’t progressed from any of that.  A tip to guys who actually want to one day get married or at least get laid, take “make me a sandwich” and every other sexist joke out of your vocabulary.

I find that where men are concerned these are the most common forms of gender discrimination, however, let’s not forget that abuse is also present in North America.  That topic is just too huge for one blog, let alone a portion of one.

There’s also women vs. women discrimination, which if you remember was the whole reason I wrote this blog.  Well that didn’t take too long to get to my point…

Women think it’s okay to call each other “bitches”, “hos”, “whores”, “sluts”, “skanks” and very many other choice words.  We have a tendency to rate women based on their appearance rather than the content of their character.  Wow…doesn’t that sound familiar?  Obviously there’s an unrealistic expectation of women put out by the media, and if you haven’t figured that out yet…wow.


This unrealistic expectation can thank photoshop and displays a trim figure that some how eats McDonalds, a perfect face that claims thanks to one product, shiny wavy hair that “every” woman has.  And what’s more, the media has convinced us we all look alike (or should, at least).  The mold is a tall, thin, big boobed blonde (it feels only recently that brunettes or red heads have become more desired), fair skinned, perfect faced woman.  These women DO in fact exist in a magical land called Sweden (I’ve heard you can get there through Narnia and taking a left at Middle Earth, just FYI).  So not to say that these aren’t a type of real woman, however, much like how there isn’t just one race, there isn’t just one type of woman.

It comes down to REEL women vs. REAL women.  What the media puts out there isn’t a fair depiction of the majority of REAL women.  But we’re smart people, we understand.  Right?  Apparently not, because there’s this expectation that we must look a certain way. And let’s be honest, if you grow up an average height, larger, big breasted, brunette with darker than tanned skin there’s not much you can do to become that unachievable woman.  I mean all I really had going for me were the boobs, and any big breasted woman will tell you, they’re not as fun as they look.    Eventually the lucky women pick up on that it’s not wrong to not look like the girls in the media.  But the huge amounts of girls who put this pressure on themselves to be something else also put this pressure on other women, women they usually don’t even know.

Self hate is a terrible thing, but to expect something of someone else because of your own personal expectations is just plain silly.  Now many girls believe not only do they have to look like a Swedish girl, but so do all of their friends and all of the girls passing them on the street.  I’m sure most of us know someone who has brutally critiqued how another woman looks behind her back, “She’s HUGE!” “Ew, did you see what she was wearing?” “Oh my gosh, her boyfriend was so hot but she was fugly!” (Do people still say fugly?).  I’ll even admit, I myself have gasped at other women’s outfit selections.  It just happens, it’s natural for us to have expectations of others.  And that is wrong.

Apparently some young ladies in high school go as far as to rate each other based on appearances. Where do we get off assuming that someone is fat because they’re not a size zero, or ugly because they have a different shaped face than some model?  Women on women hate is terrible.  To some extent it’s worse than man on women hate.  There’s always been this expectation of men and women and how they should behave so it kind of makes sense that some men just don’t understand how women have different options now and aren’t required to be any where or anyone.  However, women tearing each other down because of media expectations?  That’s fucked up.  Excuse the swearing, but REALLY?!   You’d think that women would want to support each other through this gender war, but instead we need to protect ourselves against men AND women?  And I haven’t even begun to discuss the anti-feminist women.


There’s a woman (and somehow I expect there may be others who share the same demeaning thought cycle) who has claimed herself as an “anti-feminist”.  She starts out this video by explaining that she thinks it made sense back in the day when women couldn’t vote because they weren’t educated.  Uh…what the fuck? – again, sorry for the swearing! – Do you not realize that women had an education far different from any man, she would have understood what would have been required to raise a family and keep a stable household.  An opinion that should have been highly valued if she were allowed to vote.

Then this woman (you know what?  I’m sorry, I think of “woman” and I think strong, confident, powerful.  So I really can’t call this girl a woman).  This girl goes on to say that she thinks the 50s had it right when wives were homemakers and whatnot.  There’s even a quote below the video that is something along the lines of “women are better than men at somethings, such as cooking, cleaning and making babies”.  Another favorite quote of mine, “women in government? that scares me”.  Yes, YOU in government would terrify me.  Her facts to back up this quote are Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin.  Uh…yeah, not the greatest example.  Oh wait, she then admits that she’s a right wing Conservative to the core..THERE it is.  This is starting to make sense…However, in another video she mentions that she supports gay rights.  Cause being a Conservative and supporting gay rights makes sense.   Sorry, I’m a little off topic.

At the end she also admits to sounding like “the biggest idiot ever”.  The first step is admitting it.  CHECK.  I don’t want to be a hypocrite and hate on this girl, but I can’t take her seriously, and I was so disturbed watching it.  Even sadder, most people who watched the video agreed with her.

One comment:

Feminism is just narcissism.

Women have all the rights they could possibly want. But feminists expect to be showered with sympathy and they want to blame their personal failings on men as a group.

Holy mother of God.  Having rights on paper is not the same thing as having RIGHTS.  A man will never be judged the same way as a woman.  And that’s not to say that there isn’t gender discrimination towards men. I 100% believe that there is and perhaps I’ll write a separate blog on that issue.  But concerning women, a woman is not only expected to be a certain way but what is natural and makes us strong, men will use and see as a weakness.  “Oh, you must be PMSing” is one of the most ignorant statements a guy can make.  In writing we have rights, but opportunities will be taken away from us because we have a vagina.  For most men, the most opportunity taken away from you is the ability to birth a child.  Sorry, if that was your life long dream.

Here’s the link to the  EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE video so that you may also be disturbed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkIiIaXcal4

Here’s the thing about feminism, and this should be the legal dictionary definition.  Feminism is about choice.  What we want is the opportunity for women to choose if they want to be stay at home moms (which I totally support!) or want to have a career of their own.  And everything in between, if you want to be both a mom and career woman, or be independent and travel, whatever you want to do.  The point is to have choice without judgement or expectations.  And of course to be treated equally.  Some men seem to believe that feminists are demanding more than equality, as to make women superior to men.  Maybe we’ll go after superiority after we first achieve equality.

So there you have it.

We need to all make a conscious decision to be more aware of the things we say.  We live in a country where we’re lucky enough to have freedom of speech and rights, but everyone wants to take away everyone else’s freedom of choice.  And yes, this applies to EVERYTHING.  If you don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle, whether it be because they’re homosexual or because they are a woman and have chosen to have a successful career, you DO NOT have to have the same lifestyle but can you PLEASE respect peoples’ CHOICE to choose their own lifestyle?  You don’t even need to be friends with people if you don’t agree with the lifestyle they have but just give people the courtesy of letting them make their own decisions without the judgement.

I’d like to end with a short produced by Reel Youth in Vancouver, it’s an emotional story on female discrimination: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cso_R0YGKE.

Hopefully you enjoy that and take something of importance from this blog.

Have a wonderful day!


2 Responses to ““There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright”

  1. GMA May 23, 2012 at 8:30 pm #

    Well she expressed her freedom of speech and choice. But to be totally opposite and obvious about women not dissing women “Duh what did you expect from Barbie! Is that a GPS on her had to help find her way home?” Please, please tell me that she is acting or that its an audition tape otherwise I am going to feel like a 60’s failure!!!

    • coffeeandcrosswords May 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

      Haha! I’m trying not to judge by looks..but you said it, not me! There are tons of brilliant girls who look like that, she just doesn’t happen to be one of them. And I don’t mean that based on her opinion, I mean that based on her lack of facts. Unfortunately, not an audition, she has many more videos. This is why Conservatives shouldn’t run countries.

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