Archive | March, 2012

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Slut?

13 Mar

WARNING: There happens to be some swearing and inappropriate context. You’ve been warned.

I think Mean Girls is one of those movies everyone on the freaking planet has seen.  Find me a person who hasn’t seen Mean Girls, and I’ll show you a liar. Or a hermit.  Every decade has their highschool classic; the 80s had The Breakfast Club – okay, in all honesty, the 80s had every great highschool film -, the 90s had…uh..Clueless? And the 2000s had Mean Girls.  You think I’m over exaggerating? Try and go one day without saying or hearing someone else say, “You go Glen Coco” (or substituting Glen Coco for an actual person).  The two most popular characters from this generation (and possibly of all time) are 1) Harry Potter and 2) Glen Coco.  He trends on Twitter at least once a month.  Of course there’s a reason whyause you’ve seen the movie. Anyway, during that scene, Ms. Norbury (Tina Fey) takes over since Mr. Duvall can’t handle talk of “heavy flows and wide set vaginas” and she tells the ladies that they “need to stop calling each other sluts and whores”.  Clearly, Ms. Norbury is on to something. And you’d think everyone who has watched Mean Girls (as previously mentioned, literally everyone) would have caught on to that.  I mean, they caught on to the fact that Glen Coco is high school icon, but they couldn’t catch onto the fact that the way women treat each other should not be tolerated? Maybe you’re shaking your head saying “No, we got that…”, but the fact that women are still complete assholes to each other tells me they got it for all of a second.

Today, I want to talk about sluts – it may seem like my intro was a little uncalled for but it will all tie in…okay, actually, now that I think about it…it was entirely useless.  Slut/whore/skank/prostitute are pretty popular words used referring to friends, frenemies, girlfriends, enemies, mothers, sisters, aunts, that girl who slept with your ex, that girl who stole your pencil, that girl who showed up wearing the same outfit as you – oh no she didn’t!!  Slut and skank are probably the most acceptable, because they don’t come across as as bad a swears as ‘bitch’, so girls just use it when referring to anyone.  And guys do it too! I think, at first it seemed natural for a guy to use that vocabulary since he was probably sleeping with the ‘slut’ (or not in most cases – you know, “that slut wouldn’t sleep with me!”), but the more and more women began to use it and when referring to their best friends even (“Oh my god Vicky, can’t believe you made out with Brian! You’re such a slut!”), the more men began to think it was more than acceptable to use the word, but encouraged.  Seriously, can’t we all just go back to calling each other bitches?

I would just like to add, I’m not all high and mighty on my throne of goodness and purity; I swear like a trucker at times, and have definitely used such words to describe those closest to me.  I’m no better than you, just more aware.  Ya digg?

So back on point, now we live in this society where men and women call women sluts/skanks/whores/prostitutes, and most of us aren’t even close to any of those acquisitions.  If your friend made out with a guy, she is not a slut! You’re probably just some virgin nun.  Unless you just slept with a woman for money, she’s not a prostitute.  The only right you have calling a woman a whore is if you’re dating her and you find out she’s been sleeping with every Joe, Dick, Tracy, Stewart and Megan in town.  Or (ladies) if you’re her friend and notice she’s been sleeping with every Joe, Dick, Tracy, Stewart and even your friend Megan and think she needs an intervention.  It’s definitely alright to call her a whore at this point, because she’s definitely acting like one and needs to understand that unless she wants to catch gonorrhea from Dick she better close her legs.  Wow this blog is a little raunchy today.. Anyway, do you understand? As for skanks and sluts, let’s leave those terms for the real sluts and skanks, alright? I mean, maybe I’m in the wrong for judging..but I think we can all agree here that while whores are those who sleep around, skanks/sluts just want to sleep around.  Do you understand?

Let me break it down: You know when you go out in the winter and it’s freezing cold and you see those girls standing in line for the clubs wearing their shortest skirt, their tightest and most cleavage heavy shirt (possibly a little mid-riff showing) and their highest heels. And you know they won’t be able to dance in that without popping a boob or (God forbid) something else, so it’s quite obvious to everyone, they’re there to get shit faced, pop a boob, meet just about any guy who a) grinds behind them or b) looks at them and then…go home and pass out. Actually, in all fairness, most don’t make it home.

The whores however, didn’t even make it to the club, they saw Stewart standing in line and they hailed a cab back to his place.

I’m hoping you understand now. Let me add to this by saying, just because one night your friend or you decides to go home with a guy you just met doesn’t make you a whore or even a slut/skank (if you didn’t dress like one!).  Don’t be intimidated by what your friends could possibly call you considering they thought you were the biggest whore on the planet after you made out with your boss. Just remember, when going home with a stranger, the likelihood of you being made into a skin suit is 94% (these are real statistics!).  And if going home with a different stranger becomes a nightly routine you may be crossing into some ‘whore’ territory there.

Also, for all of those girls who do dress like sluts/skanks and are proud of it, whatever, it’s your prerogative.  We all make mistakes when we’re young, and hopefully you’ll grow out it and it won’t hurt your further down the line.  Just know that unfortunately, if you dress as such, you will be treated as such.  If you want respect from men and women, you need to dress respectably.  There isn’t any guide book, but you can always follow these:

1) Cleavage is hot! Cleavage and mid-riff? Not so hot. Cleavage, mid-riff and tight? Damn right trashy.

2) Legs are hot! Legs and bush? Sounds illegal. Legs, bush, cleavage, mid-riff and tight? Why not just get paid for it instead?

3) If you can’t bend over without your whoo-ha being front and center, stop wearing shirts without pants!

4) If you’re shivering, wear pants and/or a jacket!

5) If all you can do is sway because your heels are bitches, buy some comfortable heels so you don’t look like a dumbass!

In short, if you’re going to flaunt the twins, don’t overdo it with a short skirt or shorts.  And if you want to flaunt the legs, don’t overdo it with the cleavage. Focus on one are or the other. It’s like with makeup, if you do up your eyes and lips in bright colors, you look like a moron.  If you’re showing the twins and bush, you look desperate.

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Well, there you have it! This has been a lesson in slut 101.  I would just like to clarify, I’m against the overuse of such words as skank, sluts and whores, however, I’m also against the demeaning manner in which young women present themselves by the way they dress. Sure, you have the freedom to dress how you like, but you must know there is such little respect for such a display. Unfortunately people are judged by the way they look, and the only people who like what they see are guys who aren’t getting it from anyone else.  Just some food for thought that will hopefully lead you in the right direction.  Be the classy, sexy woman at the club, it’s the difference between a Mila Kunis and a Snooki. Who would you rather be?

Thanks for reading! Hope I didn’t offend any ‘sluts’, Joe, Dick, Tracy, Stewart or Megans.  And sorry for the somewhat raunchy post today! I try to keep the swearing and raunchy to myself, but this post sort of called for it.

Have a wonderful day!

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The Real Housewives of Vancouver?

5 Mar

 

 

 

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I'm aware one of these women, is a brunette, but you get the point. Also, one of these women (second from the left) is Japanese.... Okay, I'm sure she's not lying, there's a 1/4 in there somewhere...

Gee whiz, I had quite a few things I considered (for lack of a better word) ranting about today. Take note, I refrained from saying ‘bitching’, because this is a family blog. Oops.  Anywho, I’ve decided to discuss – if you want to get all technical then this is most definitely a rant – the Real Housewives of Vancouver. Or as I’d like to call them the Beverly Hills-Looking-But-With-Blonder-Hair-And-More-Botox-Spa-Going-Holt-Renfrew-Shopping-Expensive-Liquore-Drinking-Heels-And-Velour-Wearing-Faux-Housewives-of-Vancouver.  In so few words, they do Beverly Hills better than the Beverly Hills Housewives.  Speaking of housewives, what even makes a housewife?  I grew up believing a housewife was a stay-at-home mom who cooked and cleaned and looked after her children.  I guess the term is used rather loosely now…

I’ve added in a photo to show you what I mean.  These women are blonde and botoxed.  And anyone who’s ever been to Vancouver would know that it is one of the most diverse cities on the planet.  I’m not over exaggerating when I say that.  Whites are probably a minority in Vancouver, especially bleach blonde ‘housewives’ types.  I have only ever met one woman who resembles anything close to the women selected for the Real Housewives of Vancouver, so based on that statistic, those women are rarer than a gunless Texan – yeah, I’m not Southern…  Anywho, you get the point and if you don’t you can read my lovely letter below addressed to whomever chose these ‘housewives’.

 

Dear Slice & Your “Housewives” Casting Agent,

  I don’t live in Atlanta, or New Jersey or Beverly Hills or whatever other cities you use for your Real Housewives show, so I can’t comment on the representation of the women.  Though, I’m sure you nailed the Beverly Hills one.  But I do live in Vancouver, BC and this cast of women you’ve chosen is ridiculous.  What an incredibly unfair representation of Vancouverites.  And I don’t just mean in terms of color; I mean at least a few women who don’t self tan in December, or highlight their hair every two weeks, or have fake breasts.  I mean seriously, don’t we get enough of those?!  I understand there’s a ‘housewife’ type you’re looking for, but I’m sure women who live off of their husband’s incomes and spend their days shopping, and drinking chardonnay at 11am while getting their hair and nails did, yet aren’t an Oompa Loompa Barbie mix do exist in Vancouver..I think.  I’m just guessing considering the only girls I’ve seen with bleach blonde hair in Vancouver are misguided teenagers.  And considering the success of Holt Renfrew, Vancouver has a large collection of the wealthy.  So where are all these wealthy blonde girls who aren’t still in high school?  I’ve come to the conclusion that you’ve hired these women to move out here from California and pose as Canadian girls.  How shocked they will be when they discover they’re a rarity out here.  In fact, our population is significantly East Indian and Chinese, and they also account for a large majority of the ballers out here.  I just think it would be nice to poke fun of the women of America (and now Canada) while still portraying an accurate depiction.  I mean, you’ve already inaccurately portrayed ‘housewives’ and you’ve made women look like crazy, self obsessed, gold digging nut jobs (prior to this series, this was a dirty little secret!), so let’s at least give the city you’re setting up in some credit and show what makes it different from being another Jersey Shore.  Jersey has its Oompas, Beverly Hills has its Barbies, Atlanta has its..uh…Nene.  And Vancouver should have its diversity.  Because who doesn’t like diversity?  Okay, I’m pretty sure the people who like your show are scared of diversity and may not even know how to spell the word – perhaps questionable – but I know the people of Vancouver would appreciate an accurate depiction of our city, and something that for most of us is one of our favorite things about the city.  If you don’t show what each individual city has to offer, then every housewives show will be the same…in short, what’s the point of going to all the trouble to make an identical show? Maybe it’s just me, but it’s a little disheartening that these women represent ‘housewives’, women, and Vancouver.

Sincerely,

your worst enemy, an opinionated women 😉

 

Okay, before I head off, I’d just like to let everyone know, I’m not necessarily judging these women or their lifestyle choices.  Lord knows I would love to shop all day, every day.  And tanning may not be my thing, but I was born with the natural shading that some seem to want to pay for, so what do I know?  It may not be my lifestyle or one that I would choose if offered – however, I’ve always said I’d make a wonderful trophy wife – but to each their own.

The point is, it’s not necessarily these women that I’m ranting to or judging, but rather the network and whoever cast these women.  If you take note, the letter is directed towards such, and not the cast itself.  I just wanted to point that out before being called a hypocrite for being anti-judgy and then posting this.  Nothing wrong with judging a network that devalues my city!

Next week we’ll discuss your modern day (seriously, for lack of a better word – sorry mom!) sluts. Stick around!

Have a great day!

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